Fathers, this is for us. I encourage anyone to read this, but it will have special application for fathers or men who want to be fathers.

I ran across a local news article that got picked up by CNN (see the video here) about a man in his early 30’s named Orlando Shaw who has fathered 22 children with 14 women. After reflecting on the video, I thought it would be beneficial for us to look at some of Orlando’s top line thoughts and contrast them with our heavenly Father so that we can hope in our heavenly Father.

“I love all my children”

This sentiment is easy to say. Many fathers say that they love their children, but what they understand as love and what God understands as love are two different things. Love is not the same thing as action, but “actionless” love calls true love into question. A father who only imparts biological life but isn’t a source of life for his children puts his professed love under doubtful scrutiny. God demonstrates His love for us in that while we were yet in sin, Christ died for us.

“I can’t pay no child support now”

One of the defining characteristics of leadership (and consequently manhood) is bearing responsibility. Responsibility is so bound up in the meaning of “headship” that when the father of the human race fell into sin, he took all of humanity with him. Responsibility isn’t a choice; it’s a state of being. Fathers are responsible. Irresponsibility is just one way that a father can be misusing his responsibility. There are many men who feel as if there is no responsibility on their part for the supply of their children’s needs. This isn’t like our heavenly Father who supplies us richly with grace in Christ, gave us life, and sustains us.

“It’s called cell phones”

The news reporter asked Orlando how he keeps up with all of those kids. Now, we know that it’s not impossible to keep up with large families and to do it well. But given the circumstance of Orlando not supporting his kids, the question is warranted. His answer is, “Cell phones.” Fathering at a safe distance and when it’s convenient is not an invention of Orlando. Many fathers can basically be that distant from their children, arranging life so that they don’t bother them unless they want to be bothered (that’s not how real life works, our kids are gushing with needs). Our kids were meant to be hands on, not mitigated through phones. God’s love for His children overflows to us by the Holy Spirit within us – now that’s close proximity!

“I was young and ambitious”

When asked why he didn’t use any form of contraception, he said that he was young and ambitious – to the laughs of a crowd of (presumably) friends and/or family members. Starting a business is ambitious. Going to college is ambitious. Caring for your neighborhood is ambitious. Taking care of your kids is ambitious, too. Using your sexuality as a weapon to create almost a few dozen practically fatherless kids is not ambitious. That’s reckless. Ambition is all about a quest. It’s all about a journey. God shows us His ambitiousness in that He pursues rebellious sons even to the furthest extremes of our sin. God’s ambition is applied to our saving, not to our destruction. What immeasurable grace!

“The ladies don’t like me, they love me”

He said this with a great deal of gloating. The ladies have feelings for him that go beyond liking him – they just love him. It’s sad that women would oblige such a man, but this shows his own assessment of himself. He thinks he’s basically loved by women and that they are impressed by him. He thinks the kind of boyhood that he’s putting on display is actually attractive. Fourteen women are taking him to court, but he’s basically loved by all the women. This is a very immature and boyish mentality. Women are basically tools for his self gloating. Our heavenly Father has a right view of Himself. We are the only ones who misread Him when we doubt His goodness, glory, and beauty. Although we often misread Him, He loves us with an everlasting love. We love Him because He has loved us first.

“The Shaw family stays strong, I’ll make sure we’ll be here for years and years to come”

When asked whether or not he’s happy about having so many kids in the world, he was proud to respond that way. I’m saddened for the kids. They will have a distant dad (unless the Lord changes this man’s heart) and if God Himself doesn’t intervene by some special provision of grace, there will be 22 more kids growing up bitter and the product of Orlando’s version of a strong “family”. And therein lies the problem- many fathers don’t understand what a family is. A family is not just a grouping of similar species that happen to share DNA. A family is a covenant group of people bound together by love. What differentiates a truly human family and a pack of feral hogs? We, in the image of God, are love bound. The first thing to break apart with a faulty view of “father” will be a faulty view of “family”. God joins us together through the finished work of Jesus Christ and makes us into a family of faith. We start to resemble our big brother Jesus and we experience life as a covenant family.

Confess our poor fatherhood, receive Christ’s record

It would be easy to just get mad at Orlando and feel as if Orlando is everything that we aren’t. Let’s pray for men like Orlando because he needs help and we ourselves have an Orlando hidden in the “unevangelized” corners of our hearts. The first step in changing isn’t trying harder to not be like Orlando, but is confessing that we are poor sinners who need the grace of God! We also need to confess that God gives that grace freely in Christ and is more eager to give than we are to receive!

Look to our heavenly Father and daily account for His gracious care for us in Christ. Encourage other men in this way. God will continue to free us up to be men who put on display the Fatherhood of God in how we lead in our families, neighborhoods, churches and beyond.